I have been really fortunate to have some amazing family and friends on my parenting journey with me. They have given me some of the bet parenting tips, and when I can, I share it. Unsolicited advice is a touchy subject with most, but these tips are some of the best advice I’ve ever been given. These aren’t pieces of advice that will be controversial, but they are things that if you use them parenting will get easier. As a mom of 3, I can promise this is my best parenting advice.
First, I just want to say that you are a great parent. I know that raising kids is hard. I know those little humans can be terrors, and in the same moment be the sweetest things in the world. It is important that we remember how little they are, and that they have their own needs that they can’t communicate to us. Literally everything that “goes wrong” can boil down to some unmet need. I have to remind myself of this all the time. My kids aren’t acting out because they don’t love me, or because I’m a bad mom. They are acting out because they need something.
Tip 1. The Rule of Three
This was a tip I got from a family member, and its not scientifically backed, but at this point in my parenting journey it has yet to fail me. It is simply that nothing will last longer than three days. If you are trying to break a habit, change a routine, or make it through a trying time I have found that 3 days of CONSISTENCY will just about do it. It rarely will last more than three days, and if it does it means they aren’t ready or that you need outside help. Let me give you some examples:
Potty Training. Lots of people talk about potty training and honestly its my least favorite parenting season. With my first I tried to potty train right when she turned 2, and it was AWFUL. I cried, yelled, broke down, and was losing my mind. It was not working. She would do really great for a few days and then would regress. I was so stubborn. I wanted to potty train, and I was doing it on my time schedule, not hers. I wasn’t listening to my own advice. Three days in I should have realized she wasn’t ready and to take a break and try again later. With my second child, I was absolute in the idea that she would train herself. I was traumatized by my first experience, and I didn’t want to go through it again. I waited until she was 3 and tried again. 3 days of consistency and she was potty trained. No accidents, no issues, no tears, no mental b’s. I was shocked.
Here is another example, when we transitioned our oldest to her big girl bed she struggled to understand that she had to sleep in her bed and couldn’t roam the house at night. For three days we would put her to bed, and then continue to put her back to sleep everything time she would wander out of her room for water, a hug, another book, etc.. It was exhausting and we struggled for three days, but with consistency and taking her back to bed every single time it stopped, at exactly 3 days.
This advice may be coincidence for us, but I still think it’s worth mentioning. If something last longer than 3 days it is most likely something that needs help from a professional or your baby isn’t ready for it. The other part to this advice is that this will work the best if you are consistent. Consistency is soooo important in parenting.
Tip 2. Take them Outside or Put them in Water
Bad attitude? Outside. Sickness? Water. Fussy? Outside. Whining? Outside. Mean? Water. There is literally nothing that these things can’t fix. When you are having a hard day of parenting and you can’t get the day to come around, take your kids outside or put them in water. Something about this combo really helps your kids regulate these big emotions and calm down. Water is really calming and can help them regulate and relax. It is also something that kids are just naturally drawn to. They love water and the way it feels in their hands or on their body and the sensory input can help them calm down.
Being outside has so many benefits for a child (and adults too). The fresh air is great for their over all well being and it helps to fight off illness. Sunlight helps your body create melatonin and allows for more solid sleep. It can help regulate your circadian rhythm and help your body remove toxins. Not to mention that creativity thrives outside. Kids can run, play, be destructive, and really stretch their brains. There are so many opportunities when kids are outside to be creative and get their minds working. Outdoor toys are literally my favorite thing for kids, because it is such a mood adjuster! All of that energy expulsion is going to cause them to be tired and help them to have a completely different attitude and behavior. I try to get my kids outside as much as possible and most days we succeed. We have all the weather gear so we can brave all the storms!
Tip 3. You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
This is an age old piece of advice, and I have even seen people refuting it now, saying it’s impossible for a mom to not have an empty cup, and that just breaks my heart. As moms we give so much of ourselves in raising these kids, and its important that we have the freedom to step away. For me this means that I get to go weekly to a bible study. My husband covers dinner, bedtime, and all the parts in-between and I get to leave the house and hang out with adults for a while. This is such a cup filler for me, and I am always so thankful.
But I know that this is possible for everyone. Sometimes this refilling of the cup could be quiet time in the morning. Drinking a cup of coffee without anyone talking to you. It might be trashy TV on the couch after the kids go to bed and the laundry waits in the dryer. Taking your lunch break alone, or with a fun colleague, is another great option! It could be your kids taking quiet time in their room so that you can work on a project. It could be tag teaming the weekend so that you get a few hours alone and then your husband does too. Whatever it is for you, it is so important that you find a way to fill your cup so that you can feel like an adult and have something to pour back into them.
Tip 4. Boundaries are Important
You truly don’t understand how important boundaries are until you have kids. I had a full circle moment during the holidays. I had a family member that was always viewed as “different” she would parent differently, she had different values about certain things, and she had a lot of rules when it came to her kids. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. She was holding boundaries around things that were important to her. I completely understand why she acted the way she did, and where are all these strange requests came from. I have felt so much push back surrounding the choices I have made for my own kids and keeping the boundaries we have in place has been hard.
When you become a parent you really need to take inventory of what is really important to you. Figure out what that list is and start practicing those boundaries now. Don’t let others make you feel bad about these boundaries, because ultimately these are your kids and your wishes. You will also be the one dealing with the fall out from the lack of boundaries being held. This is honestly one of the hardest things about parenting, but it’s worth the struggle.
Parenting is wild. I am so thankful that I was given people to help me navigate this world, but even with help there is so much to learn, research, and discover. Hopefully you can benefit from these tips just like I did.
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