My husband and I waited 5 years to have kids. We were living 700 miles from our family, we were hoping his job would take us back home, and we were really enjoying each other. We knew we wanted to have kids, but we really didn’t realize how valuable those 5 years were, and how we kind of squandered them away. If I could go back, there are a few things I would do differently, before we ever got pregnant.
First, We would have taken our time as DINKs a little more serious.
DINKS-Dual income no kids. We have always been fortunate, and gainfully employed, but we have not always been smart with our money. In reality, like most couples, it was something we fought over pretty regularly. Looking back on our spending habits and budgeting I just want to walk up to both of them and just scream at them to wake up. When you are early married, be smart with your money. Your goal should be to live on one income and save the other one. Or it should be to invest it wisely into something that you can get your investment back out of. Life without kids, is so much cheaper than life with kids, and you need to actively be putting back as much as possible.
One thing that really helped us in this area was making multiple bank accounts. We have a lot of bank accounts that we sink money into every paycheck. But if I simplified it down having these three would be so good.
- Bill account: Put all of your bills in one account. Mortgage/Rent, electric, Water, Utilities, internet, Car Payment, etc. Then every paycheck put half of the amount that it takes to pay those bills off in that account. Then have those bills set up to auto draft from that account. We never have to worry about a bill being paid with this account.
- Savings account: You need to be contributing something to this account. It varies for everyone, but you need to be putting something in this savings account so that you can handle anything that comes your way, and with kids things will come your way.
- Spending: this is where you get your groceries, gas, and anything else you want to do. When this account is empty you are done for the month. Its not a bad thing if you get to zero in this account every month, because this is the money you have allotted to spend.
Second, I would have created some better habits
When you have kids, life can get really hectic and out of hand quickly. This can exacerbate your weak spots real quick. I wish I would have set up better routines, and habits when I had less responsibility. Laundry is so easy to do when there are only two of you, when there are 5 it’s wild, and pretty much a full time job. I get overwhelmed trying to keep a clean house, because I never set those habits into play when I had less responsibility. If I could go back I would try to get into the groove of doing laundry and housework daily. I would have set those things into motion then, so they could have carried over to now.
Same with my faith and quiet time. When you have all the time in the world to get that quiet time in, it seems like such a small priority, but now when I am trying to hold on to 15 mins every day I wish I was more disciplined. Time is a precious commodity as a mother, and time management is a skill to learn before you have kids.
I also would have made better habits about my health. I have always been a fair weather workout partner. I trained for several half marathons and always ended up cheating my plan at some point, and ending up miserable on race day. Discipline yourself to focus on your health and well being before kids, so that you have the drive to do it once they are here.
Third, like Moria said take a thousand naked pictures of yourself
This one may be TMI, but I really wish I would have done a boudoir shoot of myself before having kids. In honesty, I never would have done it, I was way to shy and awkward. But a small part of me sees that soundbite and I totally agree. When you become a mom you are going to change. Its inevitable, and I recommend taking those TASTEFUL photos to look back on. I know. I know. this is a little out of character for me, but Its good advice I promise. I love my body now and how it has changed and grown and the amazing work it has done, but sometimes I wish I had something to look back on.
Fourth, Read a parenting book!
I know it sounds crazy to read a parenting book before you have kids, but parenting literally starts the second they enter the world. You are going to run into things, behaviors, issues, etc and be expected to handle them right then and there. Brush up on parenting stuff, follow a parenting page, listen to a podcast, ask your friends parenting questions. Don’t you dare say, “well my kids would never” because they will, and you will look stupid. My first is a great kid, but she is EXACTLY like me, and I have learned that I get overstimulated by my own presence. You have to learn how to handle that, and when you don’t have any resources to pull from you are just acting and praying it works. My second is Donnie Thornberry on steroids. She takes WILD to a whole different level. You don’t just magically know how to parent your child after they have shoved their finger in a strangers butt crack. It doesn’t always just come natural. So go ahead and read those books now so that you can be better prepared when those events happen. Some of the books out there are full of useless information, but some are really great.
Finally, Go on the trip
Don’t wait for your 10th wedding anniversary to take the trip. Because if you have my luck, you will be newly postpartum and not able to go on that Scotland vacation with your one true love. There is nothing special about your anniversary. Take the trip. Maybe don’t take all of them (refer back to my first point) but take the trip and go have fun. Traveling with kids is sooooo much fun, but its expensive and finding a baby sitter to watch your kids so you can go abroad is not easy. So take the trip and enjoy yourself!
Having kids is amazing, and its something we have enjoyed more than anything in our life, but if I could go back for just a few minutes I would! Just to impart some wisdom into my younger self, and tell her just how awesome life is with kids, but also how great life is before you have them. But if you are reading this and a newlywed, just know there is so much fun waiting for you! You don’t need to rush, enjoy what you have right now, but start preparing for the future.
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